Wednesday, 7 October 2009
Toys
Goodness. A new keyboard (one of those compact ones that does away with all those numbers on the right hand side you never use) and a new monitor stand that puts the monitor at a comfortable correct level. The trouble is, I have become so used to leaning my head forward to look down toward the monitor, I'm getting a neck ache by sitting in the correct position. Plus, it's further from the keyboard to the screen, so my neck is also getting tired with all the swivelling. Perhaps I will finally dig out that touch-typing course I have on disc somewhere. Then I'll be able to type like Fran Katzenjammer.
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Would you look...
...at the state of this place. You leave it alone for a few weeks and what happens? Dust, damp, colonization, the growth of civilizations, empires, conflict, war, mutually assured destruction. Carbon dust glows in the dark. A breeze blows some of it into the air revealing the remains of a city. The particles spark in the dim light like stars, swirling, slowly coalescing. I decide to withdraw as I see the dust beginning to collapse into its own gravitational well. It could go either way. New star. Black hole. Whatever the outcome, I'd rather watch from a safer distan
Friday, 4 September 2009
Literary procrastination
As I have nothing interesting, provocative, saucy, or useful to say just now (brain wiped out by all the writing I’ve been doing), I thought you might enjoy the following that myself and some snuggly friends composed in a fit of literary procrastination a little while ago.
The premis is simple. Look at book titles. Remove a single letter to change the title and add a pithy resumé of the new book.
For example, The War of the Worlds might become The War of the Words – Martians land in Surrey and become involved in an argument.
Some titles are repeated but have different resumés. And be warned there are a couple of rude words! Read, enjoy, and have a go yourself.
The Ill On The Floss - exposé of addiction in the dental industry.
Lucky 'im – envy and avarice in the Cockney underworld.
Harry Otter and the Philosopher’s Stone – river mammal thinks about a pebble it found.
Madame Ovary – woman donates eggs to prostitute.
Little Omen – even smaller child is a bad influence.
Harry Otter and the Philosopher's Stone – Son-of-Tarka finds treasure in a river.
And Then There Were One – a guide to common mistakes in the English language.
The Rooked House – wicked estate agent deceives MPs.
Death on the Ile – murder in Paris.
The Cunt of Monte Cristo – nasty man gets locked in dungeon.
Avid Copperfield – novel about a very keen young man.
My Air Lady – Concorde stewardess plays hard to get.
One with the Wind – embarrassing guest at a house party.
10 Dalmatians – carnage in a dogs' home.
Lien Resurrection – ancient legal claim starts inter-galactic war.
EMA – busybody girl gets education grant.
The Coning of Joanna May – sextuplets forced to dress up as motorway bollards.
Little Omen – four sisters have a feeling something unpleasant is about to happen.
Voices in the Ark – Noah develops paranoid schizophrenia.
Ride and Prejudice – steamy love story.
Leak House – study of the Welsh assembly.
Liver Twist – cooking for the impecunious.
Ale of Two Cities – German and Suffolk towns fight over whose bitter is best.
The Lighthose Keeper – man hoards beige 10 denier stockings.
The Cricket on the Earth – David Attenborough's latest.
The Lord of the Rigs – British Peer fights takeover bid for North Sea gas.
A Roo with a View – baby kangaroo peeps out of pouch.
The Man in the Ion Mask – chemistry professor robs bank.
Mutiny on the Bunty – girls’ magazine staff go on strike in the 60’s.
Huckleberry Inn – blue hound takes up tenancy of hostel.
Tits Groan – Mervyn Peake’s epic tale of one man's quest to design a better bra.
A Stud in Scarlet – Sherlock Holmes investigates the seedy underworld of male escorts.
The Tin Man – Dashiell Hammett’s version of The Wizard of Oz.
The Cow – Ted Hughes early career takes a different direction.
The Rapes of Wrath – memoirs of a Viking plunderer.
Bleak Ouse – the story of a Fenland river.
Beak House – a study of parrot keeping in the UK.
He Hobbit – long-awaited follow up to 'Me Tarzan' and 'You Jane'.
Lice in Wonderland – a tale of a dream quest for personal hygiene.
Lack Beauty – show them brains are longer-lasting.
Travels Round my Ant – Graham Green's very short travelogue.
The Return of the Naive – Hardy's epic tale of the foolish going home.
Far From the Madding Crow – Hardy's treatise on how to avoid crazed corvids.
Brighton Roc – mythical bird is discovered in seaside town.
The Spy Who Came in from the Cod – a fishy tale.
Anne of Green Gales – strange weather afflicts a young woman.
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Ma – woman struggles with artistic ambition whilst raising children.
The Way of the Wold – William Congreve's script for Emmerdale.
The Wastelad – T S Eliot’s poem about an apprentice dustman.
Twelfth Nigh – the tale of a weary golfer who still has a lot of holes to play.
The Holy Bile – a study of religion and the gall bladder.
Two Years Before the Mat – R H Dana's tale of the everday life of a carpet salesman.
Mad Marian – T L Peacock's tale of a dotty woman living beneath the greenwood tree.
King Ear – a laboratory mouse takes control of the animals.
Ales from Shakespeare – The Lambs list the drinks mentioned in the Bard's works.
A Tram Abroad – an attempt by Twain to rival the success of the Rev Awdry.
The Wave – Virginia Woolf's little known attempt at a disaster novel.
An Veronica – in which Wells proves he never got the hang of indefinite articles.
A Christmas Carl – Dicken's tale of a medieval peasant.
Pint Counter Pint – Huxley's experiences of working behind a bar.
Oral Island – adventures of a group of shipwrecked dentists.
A Par of Blue Eyes – Hardy recounts a round of golf with Sinatra.
Onan the Barbarian – (enough said).
E – Zamyatin's dystopic tale of Yorkshire folk.
Rendezvous with Ram – A C Clarke's sequel to Do Androids Dream of Electric Shep (Dick's tale of a robot border collie)
Anima Farm – revolution on a Jungian health farm.
Swallow Ale – Ransome's children go off the rails and start boozing.
Lice through the Looking Glass – disaster novel about a particularly virulent strain of glass-eating bugs.
Liver Twist – Dickens writes a Hannibal Lecter story.
Wallows and Amazons – a hippopotamus puchases books online.
Wild Wans – pale people run amok.
I, Root - an android researches his family tree.
OU of Africa – the Open University takes over tertiary education in Africa.
Jams and the Giant Peach – Delia launches new preserve cookbook.
Charlie 'ad the Chocolate Factory – East End drug dealer holds Belgium to ransom.
Trough The Looking Glass - a pig-breeder's guide to using mirrors to fool stock into eating less.
'Ot Of Africa – Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells goes on Safari.
Middle Arch – tales of the dodgy car dealer.
Birdson – novices guide to budgie breeding.
Gone with the Win – crime mystery about lottery syndicate leader's sudden disappearance.
The Testament of Gideon Mac – fantasy tale of a raincoat's romance with a feather boa.
The Canterbury Ales – local pub guide.
The Coming Of The Ing – a Dutch bank's success story.
Middle Marc – a study of birth order among boys.
Iddlemarch – Caesar's oracle's unfortunate speech impediment.
2001: A Pace Odyssey – how I completed the London Marathon eight years ago.
The Tree Musketeers – Forestry Commission's guide to firearms training.
Goodbye Mr. Hips – a man's guide to slimming.
Lady Chatterley's Over – women cricketers of the twentieth century.
Tar Wars – the MacAdam Clan's battle to name a road surface.
Midsummer Night's Dram – holiday guide for whisky enthusiasts.
Chronicles of the Canonate – Scott's stories of a churchman's epicurean adventures.
Gulliver's Ravels – how a traveller got in a tangle.
A Severe Head – failing school gets new management.
The Pizza Tales – Melville's collection on Italian cuisine.
Plan Tales from the Hills - Kipling's account of his attempt to get permission to build a conservatory.
Around the World in Eight Days – an abridged version.
The Ploughman's Ale – Chaucer's drinking song.
The School for Sandal – Sheridan's popular shoe shop comedy.
Regauntlet – epic search for a new glove.
Silas Maner – adventures of a hairdresser.
The Gapes of Wrath – speechless with anger.
The Maser of Ballantrae – mad scientist builds super weapon in small Scottish village.
Vanity Fir – Scot's pine thinks a lot of itself.
What Maisie New – Maisie has a makeover.
The E-public – Plato for the 21st century.
Language, Ruth and Logic – an account of marital arguments.
Cold Comfort Arm – the case against sleeveless dresses.
Who's Afraid of Virginia Wool – why we should import American knitting.
Pus in Boots – a guide to foot infections.
The Hack – journalist encounters God in a log cabin.
War and Pace – workout video for the armed forces.
Do Androids Dream of Electric Seep – post apocalyptic horror story where robots battle to save their energy supply.
Gulliver's Ravels – a collection of knitting patterns gathered on his journies.
Heat of Darkness – A level physics manual.
Life of i – my soon to be finished autobiography.
Uncle Tom's Cain - past life regressions.
Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Ire – Harry, in his cups, Gets Very Angry!
Hard Ties – neckwear for real men.
The Prince And The Paper - HRH William caught reading Daily Express.
The Rave - partying with Eddie Poe.
The Ouchstone – how to sue when a brick lands on your head.
Whit Fang – Bank Holiday fun for vampires.
Robin Hod – brickie becomes an outlaw.
His Last Ow – detective stubs toe, tumbles over waterfall.
The Terminal Bach – Ballard’s tale of the last days of the great composer.
Rash – a cautionary tale of what to expect if you insist on that sort of behaviour in a car.
Unlimited Dram Company – distillery discovers it has a magic vat.
Super-Canes – what Max Mosely got up to in the south of France (allegedly)
Fahrenheit 45 – nice day for a bonfire (now, what can we burn?)
A Clockwork Range – wind-up cowboys.
The Reel – Camus’ treatise on fishing.
Shadow Dane – Angela Carter’s Scandinavian spy story.
The Magi Toyshop – they spent a long time in there before going next door and blowing it all on gold, frankincence and myrrh.
Artemis Owl – nocturnal bird takes to crime.
Omo – Michael Ende’s fantasy about washing powder.
Win in the Willows – Ratty enters the woodland olympics.
Our Ma in Havana – Mum’s trip to Cuba.
Rave New World – the US party scene.
The Tailor of Panam – get your trousers mended in-flight.
Absolute Fiends – le Carré’s horror story.
The Ox of Delights – bovine dispenses happiness.
The Sow Spider – genetic experiment goes horribly wrong.
Bedknob and Broomsick – witch discovers she has no stomach for flying.
Woman on the Edge of Tim – woman tries to attract man’s attention.
The Rouble with Harry – Russian financier is found dead, comic mayhem ensues.
Three Men In A Boa – fashion for the gay ménage a trois.
Hat Katy Did – young woman takes up millinery.
Hat Katy Did Next - young woman milliner joins forces with fashion chain.
Hat Katy Did At School - young woman opens Youth Training Scheme in millinery.
Stranger In A Range Land – a travellers' guide to Texas.
Dun – long, boring tale about the colour of desert sand.
Due – long, boring tale about the cost of desert sand.
Une – long, boring French tale about desert planet.
The Greatest Story Eve Told – first woman reveals all.
Rime and Punishment – ice-cold retribution.
The Boo of Common Prayer – supplications from the disaffected.
Close Encounters of the Third Kin - distant relatives in near miss.
Of Mice and Me – true confessions of a rodent fetishist.
And, yes, I'm aware there are a few film titles in there. They've all been novelised (if that counts), but who cares.
The premis is simple. Look at book titles. Remove a single letter to change the title and add a pithy resumé of the new book.
For example, The War of the Worlds might become The War of the Words – Martians land in Surrey and become involved in an argument.
Some titles are repeated but have different resumés. And be warned there are a couple of rude words! Read, enjoy, and have a go yourself.
The Ill On The Floss - exposé of addiction in the dental industry.
Lucky 'im – envy and avarice in the Cockney underworld.
Harry Otter and the Philosopher’s Stone – river mammal thinks about a pebble it found.
Madame Ovary – woman donates eggs to prostitute.
Little Omen – even smaller child is a bad influence.
Harry Otter and the Philosopher's Stone – Son-of-Tarka finds treasure in a river.
And Then There Were One – a guide to common mistakes in the English language.
The Rooked House – wicked estate agent deceives MPs.
Death on the Ile – murder in Paris.
The Cunt of Monte Cristo – nasty man gets locked in dungeon.
Avid Copperfield – novel about a very keen young man.
My Air Lady – Concorde stewardess plays hard to get.
One with the Wind – embarrassing guest at a house party.
10 Dalmatians – carnage in a dogs' home.
Lien Resurrection – ancient legal claim starts inter-galactic war.
EMA – busybody girl gets education grant.
The Coning of Joanna May – sextuplets forced to dress up as motorway bollards.
Little Omen – four sisters have a feeling something unpleasant is about to happen.
Voices in the Ark – Noah develops paranoid schizophrenia.
Ride and Prejudice – steamy love story.
Leak House – study of the Welsh assembly.
Liver Twist – cooking for the impecunious.
Ale of Two Cities – German and Suffolk towns fight over whose bitter is best.
The Lighthose Keeper – man hoards beige 10 denier stockings.
The Cricket on the Earth – David Attenborough's latest.
The Lord of the Rigs – British Peer fights takeover bid for North Sea gas.
A Roo with a View – baby kangaroo peeps out of pouch.
The Man in the Ion Mask – chemistry professor robs bank.
Mutiny on the Bunty – girls’ magazine staff go on strike in the 60’s.
Huckleberry Inn – blue hound takes up tenancy of hostel.
Tits Groan – Mervyn Peake’s epic tale of one man's quest to design a better bra.
A Stud in Scarlet – Sherlock Holmes investigates the seedy underworld of male escorts.
The Tin Man – Dashiell Hammett’s version of The Wizard of Oz.
The Cow – Ted Hughes early career takes a different direction.
The Rapes of Wrath – memoirs of a Viking plunderer.
Bleak Ouse – the story of a Fenland river.
Beak House – a study of parrot keeping in the UK.
He Hobbit – long-awaited follow up to 'Me Tarzan' and 'You Jane'.
Lice in Wonderland – a tale of a dream quest for personal hygiene.
Lack Beauty – show them brains are longer-lasting.
Travels Round my Ant – Graham Green's very short travelogue.
The Return of the Naive – Hardy's epic tale of the foolish going home.
Far From the Madding Crow – Hardy's treatise on how to avoid crazed corvids.
Brighton Roc – mythical bird is discovered in seaside town.
The Spy Who Came in from the Cod – a fishy tale.
Anne of Green Gales – strange weather afflicts a young woman.
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Ma – woman struggles with artistic ambition whilst raising children.
The Way of the Wold – William Congreve's script for Emmerdale.
The Wastelad – T S Eliot’s poem about an apprentice dustman.
Twelfth Nigh – the tale of a weary golfer who still has a lot of holes to play.
The Holy Bile – a study of religion and the gall bladder.
Two Years Before the Mat – R H Dana's tale of the everday life of a carpet salesman.
Mad Marian – T L Peacock's tale of a dotty woman living beneath the greenwood tree.
King Ear – a laboratory mouse takes control of the animals.
Ales from Shakespeare – The Lambs list the drinks mentioned in the Bard's works.
A Tram Abroad – an attempt by Twain to rival the success of the Rev Awdry.
The Wave – Virginia Woolf's little known attempt at a disaster novel.
An Veronica – in which Wells proves he never got the hang of indefinite articles.
A Christmas Carl – Dicken's tale of a medieval peasant.
Pint Counter Pint – Huxley's experiences of working behind a bar.
Oral Island – adventures of a group of shipwrecked dentists.
A Par of Blue Eyes – Hardy recounts a round of golf with Sinatra.
Onan the Barbarian – (enough said).
E – Zamyatin's dystopic tale of Yorkshire folk.
Rendezvous with Ram – A C Clarke's sequel to Do Androids Dream of Electric Shep (Dick's tale of a robot border collie)
Anima Farm – revolution on a Jungian health farm.
Swallow Ale – Ransome's children go off the rails and start boozing.
Lice through the Looking Glass – disaster novel about a particularly virulent strain of glass-eating bugs.
Liver Twist – Dickens writes a Hannibal Lecter story.
Wallows and Amazons – a hippopotamus puchases books online.
Wild Wans – pale people run amok.
I, Root - an android researches his family tree.
OU of Africa – the Open University takes over tertiary education in Africa.
Jams and the Giant Peach – Delia launches new preserve cookbook.
Charlie 'ad the Chocolate Factory – East End drug dealer holds Belgium to ransom.
Trough The Looking Glass - a pig-breeder's guide to using mirrors to fool stock into eating less.
'Ot Of Africa – Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells goes on Safari.
Middle Arch – tales of the dodgy car dealer.
Birdson – novices guide to budgie breeding.
Gone with the Win – crime mystery about lottery syndicate leader's sudden disappearance.
The Testament of Gideon Mac – fantasy tale of a raincoat's romance with a feather boa.
The Canterbury Ales – local pub guide.
The Coming Of The Ing – a Dutch bank's success story.
Middle Marc – a study of birth order among boys.
Iddlemarch – Caesar's oracle's unfortunate speech impediment.
2001: A Pace Odyssey – how I completed the London Marathon eight years ago.
The Tree Musketeers – Forestry Commission's guide to firearms training.
Goodbye Mr. Hips – a man's guide to slimming.
Lady Chatterley's Over – women cricketers of the twentieth century.
Tar Wars – the MacAdam Clan's battle to name a road surface.
Midsummer Night's Dram – holiday guide for whisky enthusiasts.
Chronicles of the Canonate – Scott's stories of a churchman's epicurean adventures.
Gulliver's Ravels – how a traveller got in a tangle.
A Severe Head – failing school gets new management.
The Pizza Tales – Melville's collection on Italian cuisine.
Plan Tales from the Hills - Kipling's account of his attempt to get permission to build a conservatory.
Around the World in Eight Days – an abridged version.
The Ploughman's Ale – Chaucer's drinking song.
The School for Sandal – Sheridan's popular shoe shop comedy.
Regauntlet – epic search for a new glove.
Silas Maner – adventures of a hairdresser.
The Gapes of Wrath – speechless with anger.
The Maser of Ballantrae – mad scientist builds super weapon in small Scottish village.
Vanity Fir – Scot's pine thinks a lot of itself.
What Maisie New – Maisie has a makeover.
The E-public – Plato for the 21st century.
Language, Ruth and Logic – an account of marital arguments.
Cold Comfort Arm – the case against sleeveless dresses.
Who's Afraid of Virginia Wool – why we should import American knitting.
Pus in Boots – a guide to foot infections.
The Hack – journalist encounters God in a log cabin.
War and Pace – workout video for the armed forces.
Do Androids Dream of Electric Seep – post apocalyptic horror story where robots battle to save their energy supply.
Gulliver's Ravels – a collection of knitting patterns gathered on his journies.
Heat of Darkness – A level physics manual.
Life of i – my soon to be finished autobiography.
Uncle Tom's Cain - past life regressions.
Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Ire – Harry, in his cups, Gets Very Angry!
Hard Ties – neckwear for real men.
The Prince And The Paper - HRH William caught reading Daily Express.
The Rave - partying with Eddie Poe.
The Ouchstone – how to sue when a brick lands on your head.
Whit Fang – Bank Holiday fun for vampires.
Robin Hod – brickie becomes an outlaw.
His Last Ow – detective stubs toe, tumbles over waterfall.
The Terminal Bach – Ballard’s tale of the last days of the great composer.
Rash – a cautionary tale of what to expect if you insist on that sort of behaviour in a car.
Unlimited Dram Company – distillery discovers it has a magic vat.
Super-Canes – what Max Mosely got up to in the south of France (allegedly)
Fahrenheit 45 – nice day for a bonfire (now, what can we burn?)
A Clockwork Range – wind-up cowboys.
The Reel – Camus’ treatise on fishing.
Shadow Dane – Angela Carter’s Scandinavian spy story.
The Magi Toyshop – they spent a long time in there before going next door and blowing it all on gold, frankincence and myrrh.
Artemis Owl – nocturnal bird takes to crime.
Omo – Michael Ende’s fantasy about washing powder.
Win in the Willows – Ratty enters the woodland olympics.
Our Ma in Havana – Mum’s trip to Cuba.
Rave New World – the US party scene.
The Tailor of Panam – get your trousers mended in-flight.
Absolute Fiends – le Carré’s horror story.
The Ox of Delights – bovine dispenses happiness.
The Sow Spider – genetic experiment goes horribly wrong.
Bedknob and Broomsick – witch discovers she has no stomach for flying.
Woman on the Edge of Tim – woman tries to attract man’s attention.
The Rouble with Harry – Russian financier is found dead, comic mayhem ensues.
Three Men In A Boa – fashion for the gay ménage a trois.
Hat Katy Did – young woman takes up millinery.
Hat Katy Did Next - young woman milliner joins forces with fashion chain.
Hat Katy Did At School - young woman opens Youth Training Scheme in millinery.
Stranger In A Range Land – a travellers' guide to Texas.
Dun – long, boring tale about the colour of desert sand.
Due – long, boring tale about the cost of desert sand.
Une – long, boring French tale about desert planet.
The Greatest Story Eve Told – first woman reveals all.
Rime and Punishment – ice-cold retribution.
The Boo of Common Prayer – supplications from the disaffected.
Close Encounters of the Third Kin - distant relatives in near miss.
Of Mice and Me – true confessions of a rodent fetishist.
And, yes, I'm aware there are a few film titles in there. They've all been novelised (if that counts), but who cares.
Friday, 14 August 2009
Deleted
Re my previous post, I have just gone through my bookmarks and deleted my links to the culture/literature pages of the daily papers.
It was liberating and depressing in equal measure. Depressing, because it reminded me of just how low these sections had sunk (and just how few of them there were in any case). Liberating, because if I want to go and wade in the sewerage, I will have to make a bit more of an effort - one that will give me time to reflect on what I am actually doing and thus turn aside. After a couple of weeks, the habit will be broken completely.
The last straw?
Time and space given to discussing the autobiography of a talentless air-head who isn't old enough to warrant an autobiography.
This is time and space that could have been given over to a talented but less well known writer, someone with something to say and the skill to say it.
Liberating because now, every time I get the urge to see what is happening in the arts in general and in literature in particular, I will employ my time more sensibly by (a) creating a bit of my own and (b) continuing my search for that mythical website/forum where talented and off-beat writers are reviewed, discussed, and given a bit of the exposure they deserve.
It will be a long quest.
I may be gone some time.
It was liberating and depressing in equal measure. Depressing, because it reminded me of just how low these sections had sunk (and just how few of them there were in any case). Liberating, because if I want to go and wade in the sewerage, I will have to make a bit more of an effort - one that will give me time to reflect on what I am actually doing and thus turn aside. After a couple of weeks, the habit will be broken completely.
The last straw?
Time and space given to discussing the autobiography of a talentless air-head who isn't old enough to warrant an autobiography.
This is time and space that could have been given over to a talented but less well known writer, someone with something to say and the skill to say it.
Liberating because now, every time I get the urge to see what is happening in the arts in general and in literature in particular, I will employ my time more sensibly by (a) creating a bit of my own and (b) continuing my search for that mythical website/forum where talented and off-beat writers are reviewed, discussed, and given a bit of the exposure they deserve.
It will be a long quest.
I may be gone some time.
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Somewhere...
I've been very busy over the last few months (and more). Writing. So I've not had a great deal of time to write about writing.
This morning, however, while doing my weekly major back-up, I did what I usually do - trawl through the book sections of the websites of the more respectable UK newspapers. I do it once a week and, to be honest, I don't know why I bother any more.
Quite aside from the monotonous exchanges in the forums (same old people saying the same old things and never actually 'listening' to or thinking about what anyone else has to say), the content of the book sections is so depressing it makes me weep.
Because the content matches those self-same commentators. It is the same old stuff (which, presumably, people are paid disproportionate sums to create). Reviews, on the whole, are dull; and the books that are reviewed are, on the whole, 'safe'. Articles are often poorly researched and make huge assumptions about the world of books that could only be made by those comfortably off and living in the literary ghetto. Opinion pieces... well, you hear more interesting stuff from that slightly grubby drunk that is propped up by the end of the bar.
I have tried looking elsewhere, but haven't had the time of late to spend on an extended search. But where, oh where, are all the lively, open (and polite) forums that present and allow discussion of good writing? Places that welcome outsiders, places that are truly interested in stretching the boundaries of writing and can manage to do this without mentioning: the Booker (or any other prize), Kindle (or any other e-reader), Twilight, The Wire; or any of those other topics that people feel the need to throw in and which demonstrate a paucity of imagination and unwillingness to engage with things beyond the mainstream. Is there such a place? Is there a place where people don't care about genre because they understand it is mostly a marketing convention that makes it easier for people to find the kind of story they like and has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the quality of writing? Is there a place where people are happy to admit they enjoy the Beano just as much as they enjoy Beckett; where it's not a crime to admit to reading Edgar Rice Burroughs and William Burroughs; where good craft is the key?
I hope there is. And if anyone out there knows of such a place, I do hope they will let me know.
This morning, however, while doing my weekly major back-up, I did what I usually do - trawl through the book sections of the websites of the more respectable UK newspapers. I do it once a week and, to be honest, I don't know why I bother any more.
Quite aside from the monotonous exchanges in the forums (same old people saying the same old things and never actually 'listening' to or thinking about what anyone else has to say), the content of the book sections is so depressing it makes me weep.
Because the content matches those self-same commentators. It is the same old stuff (which, presumably, people are paid disproportionate sums to create). Reviews, on the whole, are dull; and the books that are reviewed are, on the whole, 'safe'. Articles are often poorly researched and make huge assumptions about the world of books that could only be made by those comfortably off and living in the literary ghetto. Opinion pieces... well, you hear more interesting stuff from that slightly grubby drunk that is propped up by the end of the bar.
I have tried looking elsewhere, but haven't had the time of late to spend on an extended search. But where, oh where, are all the lively, open (and polite) forums that present and allow discussion of good writing? Places that welcome outsiders, places that are truly interested in stretching the boundaries of writing and can manage to do this without mentioning: the Booker (or any other prize), Kindle (or any other e-reader), Twilight, The Wire; or any of those other topics that people feel the need to throw in and which demonstrate a paucity of imagination and unwillingness to engage with things beyond the mainstream. Is there such a place? Is there a place where people don't care about genre because they understand it is mostly a marketing convention that makes it easier for people to find the kind of story they like and has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the quality of writing? Is there a place where people are happy to admit they enjoy the Beano just as much as they enjoy Beckett; where it's not a crime to admit to reading Edgar Rice Burroughs and William Burroughs; where good craft is the key?
I hope there is. And if anyone out there knows of such a place, I do hope they will let me know.
Saturday, 8 August 2009
Waiting for...
Hmm. Sounds like that might be a title worth developing.
Living in limbo just now. Waiting for this. Waiting for that. Everything placed in the hands of other people who then decide your fate.
But never mind. I am still writing, so I am remaining relatively sane.
That's it, really.
Enthralling stuff, eh?
Living in limbo just now. Waiting for this. Waiting for that. Everything placed in the hands of other people who then decide your fate.
But never mind. I am still writing, so I am remaining relatively sane.
That's it, really.
Enthralling stuff, eh?
Sunday, 19 July 2009
Waving...
...not drowning.
Again, just passing through. I'm making the most of the urge to write and, consequently, not spending much time keeping this blog up to date.
Having just put a quarterly magazine to bed, I'm back to the latest novel. There was a moment I faltered because the word count looked exceedingly thin. But then I realised that all I was doing was transcribing a screenplay I had dashed off the year before. A quick re-read has confirmed that much of the scenery is still in my head. By the time I do a re-write and make it a proper novel, it will have reached a decent length.
I'm also beginning the the complex task of planning The Mirror That Is Made (Charlie's second novel). This is difficult because it involves keeping dozens of plates spinning and painting a coherent single pattern on the lot of them. In other words, a series of interlinked short stories, each of which is coherent in itself and which read as a whole tell a further story with the whole lot based on a core theme. Plus all the research to get that late 1950s funfair feel authentic.
At the same time I am plotting the second Jeniche book in which she travels north and becomes involved in the intrigues behind installing a young man as the High King of... Sections of this are already outlined and by the time I finish the first draft of AG5, I will be able to sit down, pump up the volume on the Ozrics (thanks guys for the soundtrack to these), and hack out another 70k.
As if that wasn't enough, I am reviving ideas I had some years ago for a series of historical mystery novels. Not exactly a sparsely populated genre these days, I do have an interesting angle and setting (and that's all I'm saying for now). Lots of background research to refresh my memory of a period I know well. It all depends now on coming up with four or five good plots to get the series started. If I can come up with those (and they'll need to grow out of the research), I'll have yet more to work on.
And after breakfast...
Again, just passing through. I'm making the most of the urge to write and, consequently, not spending much time keeping this blog up to date.
Having just put a quarterly magazine to bed, I'm back to the latest novel. There was a moment I faltered because the word count looked exceedingly thin. But then I realised that all I was doing was transcribing a screenplay I had dashed off the year before. A quick re-read has confirmed that much of the scenery is still in my head. By the time I do a re-write and make it a proper novel, it will have reached a decent length.
I'm also beginning the the complex task of planning The Mirror That Is Made (Charlie's second novel). This is difficult because it involves keeping dozens of plates spinning and painting a coherent single pattern on the lot of them. In other words, a series of interlinked short stories, each of which is coherent in itself and which read as a whole tell a further story with the whole lot based on a core theme. Plus all the research to get that late 1950s funfair feel authentic.
At the same time I am plotting the second Jeniche book in which she travels north and becomes involved in the intrigues behind installing a young man as the High King of... Sections of this are already outlined and by the time I finish the first draft of AG5, I will be able to sit down, pump up the volume on the Ozrics (thanks guys for the soundtrack to these), and hack out another 70k.
As if that wasn't enough, I am reviving ideas I had some years ago for a series of historical mystery novels. Not exactly a sparsely populated genre these days, I do have an interesting angle and setting (and that's all I'm saying for now). Lots of background research to refresh my memory of a period I know well. It all depends now on coming up with four or five good plots to get the series started. If I can come up with those (and they'll need to grow out of the research), I'll have yet more to work on.
And after breakfast...
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